You Can Stomach Anything If You Have G.U.T.S. (God Understands Tracy's Spirit)

  

So! Grab a cup of coffee or sumpin’ and relax! I gotta a lil’ sumpin’ diff’rent here. Been asked to give a brief story with some humor about what happened to me (healthwise), hopefully to inspire someone. And, maybe to help me sort things out. So, I guess it’s time… My articles are usually a small paragraph my style of authentic humor and hope, but I’m warning you… Its a lil' longer!  Still authentic! Just authentically longer! Forgive me ahead of time. K? So, I’m forgiven and you’re still reading. And, if you’re not reading? Well, then? I forgive you! PIMPLOL.  Alright, here we go.  Here’s a lil’ bit about myself… my life. Just a small piece. It’ll give you a little glimpse into my home-made humor and hope, and our music, b.a.s.i.c.ally! I tied just a small part of my story with the happenings of my morning. Here goes: So, its summatime and it’s hot. And you know we gotta get our cool on! In every way, right? So, I keep a little snowman figurine at my desk in our music room to remind me of these 3 things. Number 1: to keep cool when it’s hot out. Number 2: to keep my cool when it’s hot inside me. And, Number Last: to just be ultra cool always. My definition of ultra cool is being kind and loving to everyone… always…no matter how we or they feel. Cool, but not icy! Sounds uncool, doesn't it?  I this day and age, but that is what cool is to me!  So, on with the story today. So, what job can you have continuous pressure, totally hose it, be kinky and still end up being cool? Yep!  An A.C. Repairman!  Fixing the Air Conditioning clog/backup in your overflow/bleach port and tubing! The water from the AC was backing up and pouring out in our garage.  So, after some thought and prayer involving our bank account, I didn't call the AC Repairman.  I became an AC repairman and I got to work.  I grabbed the hose, kinked it! Gave it some pressure…repeated about 10 times until all the gunk came out outside. Drilled new holes and new screws in the filter door where everything was being sucked in over a period of time. Hmmm…sounds kind of like our lives, if we don’t keep them maintained. Oops!  That's a whole nutha blog. But, anyway, now, I am cool! Inside, outside and all around. Epically cool! PIMP LOL. Feels good to save money and do-it- yourself! You know the drill! We can figure anything out with just a bit of prayer and perseverance and hard work...and a drill!  Ha ha!  You know?  The right tools! And, lastly, thank God the outside unit has a high-pressure reset switch. Just hit that and it comes back on when things build up. I’ll be using that in the future, I am sure. Don’t you wish we had a button like that on us? Oh, and the photo of the snowman figurine? Well, it has a boot in it, too, that looks just like the boots I live in most of the time. Kind of like the fingerless gloves. My boots and gloves are a part of me and my story. Anyways, the boot figurine is my reminder to always get up and get my boots on first thing in the morning and kick butt at everything… NO matter how bad things are.  Or good, for that matter.  Cuz, we sure do tend to forget about God when things get good. Am I right?  So, there was a time in my life when I couldn’t even get up and get dressed. Wasn’t expected to live. And, this was the second time through this.  Though, the first was easier because it was local and I had so many church family and my family around to care for me round the clock for months.  Even had all the kids from church come up and decorate the walls of my room and my pastor sing and play guitar for me.  This time?  Tougher.  The Dr.’s thought I had pancreatic cancer to make a long, tragic story short and un-tragic. They found a rare disease that caused my proton pumps to make 100's ot times too much acid.  They had to cut the nerves to my stomach from my brain (Vagus nerve) and had to do a cancer surgery to remove most of my stomach and many other parts. From there, organ problems, eyes and ears were affected severely, as well as liver, kidneys and much more. I even lost half of one nostril.  Yep!  More painful than all the surgeries. But, that is a whole nutha story.  If you feel nosey, ask me about it!  PIMP LOL. Or read the comments below after this story.  The whole nose story is there.  Ask me, too. I'll show you. One thing good about not having half a nostril?  It's easier not to blow it?  PIMP LOL.  Anyway, it was terrible being so far away in Tampa. Being apart from my little girl and family and friends. Too far for anyone to travel. I was in the Trauma Ward, so…yeauh… traumatic. I know where they got the name!  PIMPLOL.  After that I was scarred for life...and not just the ones from the surgery!!!  Then, the Team of Specialists  said that I would probably never be able to sing again. I know that doesn’t seem important in the grand scheme of the dying thing, but I had to ask that question. Even though I had seziures and a mini-stroke, I still knew deep down inside that I was a singer/musician. Well, since we are musicians and write and record music to share, we decided to give away hundreds of our first CD during those weeks and months in the hospital. Just had to share the music God had given us. Didn’t know if I ever would be home to share It “live”. They let me go home for a weekend and get my affairs in order. I got rid of 28 large bags of my things that I thought would overwhelm my family. Tough stuff. Well, I made it thought the surgeries and it was, and is, a battle. Seizures, blood transfusions, and other complications like memory loss! I won’t list all the, what I call “die-lights”, instead of “highlights” of my health. Because most of them are hard to go back over still. And, I don’t want you to stop reading the rest of my story. You know? Too wordy? Too yucky? TMI?  Hope you continue on. One thing I will share...I had many experieces during this time of fear, alone-ness, but also of faith.  I wrote several songs that were filled with many emotions.  During the day, I would drag myself and the machines I was hooked to around the trauma ward so I didn't go nuts.  And, at night?  I would cry out to God to hold me with His spiritual arms.  And, on one particular night, I screamed out at the top of my lungs for Him to come in person and hold me.  Yep!  I sure did.  Had many emotions during that time and when I came home.  Everyone was afraid of me...  So, anyway, I spent a long period of time waiting to die and wanting to live. On machines and way too much medication. I can't believe I ever like doing drugs and drinking.  Because after all this medicine making me so whack, I hated it.  I wanted my mind back and my spirit...let alone the body, right?  Two years later, when I finally got HOPELESS ENOUGH TO BE HOPEFUL, right? Desperate enough to be desperate for God…and nothing else. I made a rash, but wise decision to get off all the meds. I wasn’t living anyways. Wow! Tough stuff. I had gotten so addicted to the medicines that were supposedly keeping me alive…that I couldn’t find God anymore. And, guess what? He wasn’t hiding… Some of the doctors turned me away because I wouldn’t take all the meds. Now, I realize some of you have to take the medicines you are given. Not against all presciption drugs. Just alot of it for me.  I am a unique case because I don’t have a stomach to break down all the foods and pills. And, everything make me wacky and my sugar hard to control. But, I had to quit! It was a faith and a “know-in-my-gut” kind of thing. Whoops! Hope I’m not hard to stomach. Don’t worry. It won’t be that much longer. So, yes, it was horrible and the hardest thing I have ever done up to now… But, I knew it was right and I kept on. I could barely move and was so alone but I would force myself to shower and put my boots on immediately! Of course, after getting dressed, first. And, brushing my teeth.  Even that was like running a marathon. It was very difficult at first and I didn’t feel like it at all. The medicines had given me what I called a "pill will".  Just give me a pill and I will!  Without them?  I had to learn everything all over again and I had a whole different body and mind and spirit. Well, the boots were my first step and they take a lot of work to get them on and strapped up. So, once they are on? They’re on to stay! So, after saying all that, the boots were, and are, my symbol of strength and determination and perseverance and encouragement for a very rough time. Still are. And, yes! I still have very trying days…so I keep trying! PIMP LOL. But, now, I have glimpses of impossibles becoming possibles in my life. Funny, the things God can use and the people He chooses. Yes, I still have those days…still have those boots. The difference? Hope! Oh, and the fact that they are very worn out! But, I can’t part with them. I need new soles for them…but, not me. My soul is God’s! Thankfully. It may be old, but it’s His. And, you know, time and doing something right over and over again? When you don’t want to? Really does work. Sounds cliché’, but I mean it. I had to reprogram my mind and body in His strength. Still do. It’s a life-time process. They call it living! So, I’m cool with that! Right? After all, this story did start out to be about keeping our cool and being cool and all that! You cool with that? Hope so! Have a kick butt kind of day. Consider yourself encouraged! Go be cool to someone! Thanks for letting me share part of my heart and soul. Those are two things I still have! Oh, and I may not have a stomach, but I have a lot of guts! PIMP LOL. I have no complaints, or at least I try not to whine too much. The good news is He knows my heart and sometimes, that’s the bad news, right? But! That’s when I go back to the Good News. Right? I am very thankful to be here with you guys… There is a lot more to my life story before and after I got sick, to be sure. Like everyone else? Good and bad. Another day I’ll write on those highlights as they come back to me: things like working at the Space Center, being in a Mexican jail, Children’s Church Teacher, being shot at, drugs and alcohol, racing cars…yep! Just about anything you can imagine. As memories come, I’ll write. For now? I’m cool with life and the bits and pieces of memories I have. Cuz, there’s no reason to get hot about it! PIMP LOL. I mean, I would like to be healthier and “normal”, but I am normal for me…unique and a whole me.  I'm alive.  Plus, I am singing again…which they never thought would be. That is the place where I am normal, or at least, totally whole. My safe place where I can let go and let God. When I sing, I am free there…completely healthy and pain free and in His presence both in me and around me. At the same time. Wow!  Pretty cool! Everywhere. Sounds kind of like heaven. I can be sick and read to give up, but I know that when I step up to sing, He is my complete strength.  It’s as natural as breathing, yet as supernatural as faith. I call it decorating music, but really? It is the music and God that's decorating me! I call everything decorating. Like God did with us and the whole earth and heavens. Decorated! I love decorating homes, yards, hair, paper, videos, humor, writing, anything. The decorating zone is for me. I can’t remember much about my life. Memories and experience help us to walk in faith. I don’t have a lot of that, but! I know things in my soul… Things that only He could put there in my mind and heart. So, I go on those things…faith things. My memories and life experiences before 2007 are jumbled and cloudy and hidden. My life is a huge challenge every day! But, then, whose isn’t? Right? Everyone has their story and things to deal with.  Where faith has to be enough. Who knows what’s possible! God does! And, you know what? Anything is! Chase after Him to find out. He’ll let you catch Him. Now, I gotta throw in a joke or two.  One of my fav scriptures that I paraphrased to “Godfatha” translation is summed up this way: The God fatha discusses God the Fatha and sneezing: You's guys know why you's hear “atchoo” when someone sneezes? It’s a warning! There'll be somethin' coming “atchoo” if they don’t cova their mouth! Am I right? No matta what is comin' “atchoo”, God is “witchoo”, so who can be “againstchoo”? So, if you blow it, rememba the whole “atchoo” thing! If you really blow it? Getchoo a tissue!  Atchoo! Bless you's guys! TNT LOL. My other favorite saying for myself to remind me to keep going and trust in Him? "Be occupied with living… preoccupied with God." Thanks for reading and being part of my life. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it. Or, at least, part of the story. Hope you could stomach it! Now, go be gutsy! PIMP LOL. Oh, and the thought behind all the photos of me singing? Well, "impossibles happen". Simple as that! One photo is of my snowman and boot. Another is of my fav boots, gloves, hat! One photo of me singing, I did with fabric to show music being part of the fabric of my life. Another, is part of a tree and the bark is peeling away as I sing. Well, you get the idea. Walk a mile in my shoes, err...ummm...boots...and that whole thing. Thanks for walking a mile and more with me today...in my boots.   I appreciate you taking time to come along on my journey.  It's been a joy walking and talking.  Remember my title of this story?  You Can Stomach Anything If You Have Guts?  Right?  My guts?  Well, yes, I have to be hard working and persevere and walk in faith, but my GUTS stands for this: God Understand Tracy's Spirit!  He knows me.  Knowing that?  Makes me strong.  Makes me want to know God.  Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  That is my strength, GUTS!   Hope someone is encouraged.   Remember?  Some days are trying, so keep trying...  Oh, and as someone said in a comment from this article when I first posted it up?  I am eccentric, electric, ecclectic, ecliptic and epileptic. Oh, and evangelistic! PIMP LOL TNT!  I guess!   You can see the exact comment under this article.      Always a pleasure...and privilege.   I did think of one more thing as I edited this again and added the part about my nose.  As I looked at all my scars, I was reminded how far I had come.  I think that is why we have them.  To remember...and learn.     Trace